Seven Steps Forward, Seven Steps Back

It was a night of drinking unlike others, because it was a night I remember.  It's second semester, sophomore year.  I had seven months sober at this point, but I couldn't go another breath.  Being in college made it easy to go back out and drink, too.  Ask anyone--what's up tonight? House party four blocks away.  My close friends who experienced what I was seven months prior were absolutely infuriated that I was starting up again.  It was an easy decision though, because nothing mattered to me, remember?  Ya see, even though I got sober, I didn't change my ideas about how to live.  That was a big issue and a big mistake.  I was numb and, sure I felt a little bad that my friends were so against my actions.  Only because I wanted to drink with them like old times.  But, they refused to enable me.

Skinny jeans, rosy crop top, leather jacket.  Plenty of eyeliner, and an insatiable thirst.  I showed up with my own booze because I remembered some old anxieties--1) I never wanted to share 2) I never wanted to run out.  Two Liters of rum in my bag, 3 shots of that in my cup.  Stars.  My eyes were stars.

I stayed outside smoking cigarettes with old buddies for about 10 minutes before even opening the door.  They said the parties really missed me first semester, and I confirmed that I missed the parties.  More than they knew.  But it would have been awkward to explain my love affair with drinking.  It also would have been impossible without seeming like a lush.

 As soon as I walked into the house I locked eyes with a guy sitting on the couch adjacent to the doorway.  A very familiar face to my stare.  All first semester I eyed this guy at the cafeterias, at the gym.  He was a freshman but he certainly didn't look like one.  And you could cut diamonds with that jawline.

We kept exchanging glances.  I went outside to have another cigarette after taking shots to a chant 'SHE'S BACK, SHE'S BACK.'  Moments after I shut the door behind me, it opened again.  It was him and he wanted a hit.  Still only glances between us.  I figured he wanted to take me home later.  I sure wanted to take him home.  I watched him like a flirt and when I went back inside, he followed....